the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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