Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
