Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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