he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
