i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
