Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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