how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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