Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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