I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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