Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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