theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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