New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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