i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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