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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  come over anyways, right now, right this second

  (850): View more from Florida

  it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying

  (561): View more from Florida

  wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation

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• (510): View more from California

  You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling

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• (310): View more from California

  Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm

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• (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling

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• (530): View more from California

  I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?

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• (805): View more from California

  How are they?

  (310): View more from California

  Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!

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