Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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