she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
