my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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