I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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