A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
this boner is exhausting
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
