Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
