what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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