dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
