everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
