I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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