He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
