Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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