Slut skills are useful in every country.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
