Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
