Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
