Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
