I met the friendliest cop last night
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
