Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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