If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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