pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
