Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
