I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
