you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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