In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
time to smoke my breakfast
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
