i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
