Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
