i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
