If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
