there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
