I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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