tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
