I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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