i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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