ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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