At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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