my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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