Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
