i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
